Ever since I began studying online marketing for healing businesses, I’ve repeatedly heard the same trope about sales pages, masterclasses and enrollment calls:
“Make sure to say you only work with fast decision makers.”
“They need to be ALL IN and never waver on their commitment.”
“Tell them they must be 100% coachable.”
Or how this can also sound when from a feminine energetics coach:
“If you have to ask too many questions, this isn’t for you.”
“If you have an issue with me, you’re just projecting your own shadow.”
“You are 100% responsible for all of your results, even though I didn’t tell you what we would be doing in this container.”
Let’s unpack the absurdity of these ideas and what they’re REALLY trying to accomplish (hint: it’s not for the benefit of the client).
First of all, let’s look at the concept of a “fast decision maker” or someone who “doesn’t ask too many questions.”
✨Do I love it when a client shows up in my field with absolute certainty about what they want and full clarity that my program is a match for them. HELLS YES!
✨Do I recognize that 99% of people need some time to digest and process what me and my offerings are about so that they can feel into their truth about it before making a 6 month commitment? ALSO YES.
The purpose of saying something like this *appears* to be so that a coach can vet clients and only get the people who are “ready to succeed,” instead of “tire kickers” (that term itself contains layers of absurdity)…
…But the real reason is to shelter the coach from having to experience the discomfort of not closing the sale right away.
That’s right. Most people are terrified of having someone say “maybe,” or “no” to their offer, and resting in the wildly uncomfortable liminal space of *not knowing* how it is going to turn out.
So they tell potential clients that they’re only “qualified” if they bypass their authentic need for a day or two to decide.
And yet, a well-thought-out, well-felt-into YES is way more powerful than one that’s rushed.
Heck, I often send people away to go think about it, even if they sound like they’re about to talk themselves into a sale, if I think they may actually be uncertain.
Why? Because I’d prefer to confront their uncertainty NOW versus right after they make their first payment.
It’s a win-win.
Questions are good. Spending time to think about it is good. Building trust is very important!
Let’s normalize giving people some space to find their truth.
(This does not mean you should throw out your early bird offers and bonuses, but they don’t need to be “exploding offers” that expire immediately).
Now let’s look at this one, “They need to be ALL IN and never waver on their commitment,” or “If you have an issue with me, you’re just projecting your own shadow.”
…Aka the concept of the client who never has any issues with you or the container once they’ve signed up, and never has thoughts of leaving.
Do I love a committed client who respects our agreements and has high integrity? YES I DO.
Do I have an ironclad, no refunds, no-one-leaves policy (no exceptions… like, zero)? YES.
Am I extremely clear about this during the sales process, in the written contract, and in the coaching container. YES I AM.
It’s a ceremony. Sh!t’s gonna come up. (Like, biiiiiig stuff). No one gets to bail in the middle when they’re half baked. Especially not on their financial commitment for a ceremony that’s about their relationship to money. After all, they’re here to clean up money integrity so money can finally flow in.
But also, on the flipside… I don’t give up on anyone.
Even if they’re being resistant, doubtful, upset, frustrated or even if they appear to be in an absolute sinkhole in their life and business. (I know what’s on the other side of sticking with it).
And I don’t require that they pretend to be thrilled about our work all the time and constantly praise me as the perfect coach (though I sure do love praise!)
Because I’m willing to bump up against my own growth edges by having difficult interactions with my clients – while still holding strong boundaries – to best serve their growth.
That’s right… this sneaky demand for being ALL IN is *really* there to prevent the coach from having to conduct VERY skillful, emotionally-fraught conversations with upset clients.
To take feedback, or help someone through their wobble.
To deal with that moment in ceremony where it feels waaaaay too confronting for someone, and they want to leave, but you can’t let them.
IT IS NOT EASY. It is a serious skill that takes practice, patience and mentorship to develop.
If someone is teaching you to avoid conflict with themselves or your clients, it’s because they don’t have the capacity or skillset to deal with it, or they just don’t want to.
Why is this a problem?
Because it’s much less work to coach someone you’ve conditioned to be afraid of upsetting you, who is fawning all over you to seek your approval.
You just give them any old information or coaching and they tell you how you’ve changed their whole lives forever. Feels great, and you have an endless flow of testimonials!
Except no one is growing or transforming, because they’re not doing the real work, and nor are you. It’s just a show of clever bypassing that may lead to short term surface results, at best.
You know what I call someone who freaks out about my program and tells me they wish they could quit?
I call them “A returning client.”
Cause that’s what happens a lot of the time. I hold the container and a boundary, and invite them to honor their commitment, which is a transformative process.
Then they sign up for the next round.
Yup… When we powerfully hold someone through their humanity, the trust builds.
Let’s normalize having doubts.
Let’s give people an opportunity to clean up their behavior.
Let’s be coaches, not cult leaders.
Third, and lastly, let’s discuss the idea of a 100% coachable client (ha ha ha!)
Do I have so much fun coaching a client who puts everything I tell them into action and gets impressive results? YES I LOVE IT SO MUCH
Do I love coaching someone who takes full responsibility for their own life and business? YES YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES
Are most people like this all of the time? ABSOLUTELY NOT – THIS IS WHY THEY NEED A COACH
Coaching, especially business coaching, is not about telling people what to do and giving them strategic information.
You can find that anywhere on the internet or in a book.
You do not need to pay someone thousands of dollars to tell you things they know.
It won’t work, anyway.
Not without the spiritual growth.
Not without the emotional and nervous system regulation.
Not without the mindset.
Not without titrated action.
If a coach can’t handle a client who is having a sad-sack, blamey, stuck-as-hell moment, they should not be coaching anyone.
No… they are, in fact, a consultant.
Consultants provide information, not transformation.
Which is the explanation most faux-coaches give to justify their high ticket prices… Because they are allegedly providing this transformation.
Which, if they can’t “hold” all of you, they most certainly are not.
They are not an enlightened guru. You will not transform by gazing upon them, basking in their aura, soaking up their rich energy.
No… It’s your coach’s job to help you become coachable, by helping you navigate your darkest moments (in addition to the great ones!)
Does this give anyone license to show up like a soul-sucking, vampiric, whiny, perma-brat?
No. But that’s different than asking someone to be 100% coachable all the time.
Which nobody is.
So let’s end this charade and stop requiring it.
Let’s coach people who need the help, not just the “perfect” ones.
Let’s all grow together.
Whew! If you’ve made it this far in my 3-part series, thank you, and congratulations on having a great attention span for this day and age. 😉
And if this resonates for you, perhaps you’re feeling curious about my coaching…
The Creative Business Mastermind is currently open for enrollment (only 2x/year).
If you have an inkling that I’m the right mentor for you, you can learn more about the mastermind here, or go ahead and contact me with any questions or curiosities.