Over the years, dozens of people have emailed me because they had a reading with another Vedic Astrologer who told them something scary and traumatic, or was incredibly vague, while still being very expensive.
I love reading for these people because I don’t do either of those things, but I feel so badly for them, and it brings up a key piece that I want to share about how to choose any guide, coach or mentor.
I’ve worked with a number of coaches and mentors, and I have learned a lot – often the hard way – about how to choose the right person at the right time. I’ve made some very expensive mistakes so you don’t have to.
Here is what it all boils down to: Don’t hire a mentor from fear alone.
Every time I am about to invest money to work with someone new, I always have a little apprehension, from general excitement anxiety to underlying worries about “What if it doesn’t work?” and “What if I fail?”
This is normal.
When we are stepping into something new and big, fear is gonna be there along with a big heaping spoonful of resistance.
However, when we hire a mentor *purely* from a place of fear, we risk placing ourselves in the drama triangle — we are the victim and the mentor is our savior. Before long, when the mentor can’t save us (because no one can – it’s an inside job), they can become the perpetrator who failed us.
If we are only present to thoughts like, “I am out of options,” or “I don’t know what else to do,” and we are feeling low, sad and desperate when we make our decision, we could be operating from fear alone. This is not a good state to operate from because it obscures our truth.
It’s vital then that we feel a big yes in our heart and body about working with the person, in addition to any fear we experience. This is the only way we can ensure we are making an aligned decision.
I find it helpful to get into a better state before deciding to work with someone (this can be a simple as going for a hike or talking with a friend before having an enrollment conversation), to keep checking in with my heart’s true yes, and to seriously ask myself the question, “am I looking to be rescued?”
If I realize, deep down, that I’m just hiring them to avoid stepping into my own power, it’s a red flag. I am probably hiring them to do the very thing I need to do myself. I have done this many times, only to come to the conclusion that I had the best answers in that moment!
When it’s a real yes, I feel lit up and on fire to be working together. I feel validated, more of myself than ever, and inspired to take new actions that allow me to grow exponentially. I feel happy to have invested the money in myself.
When it’s a fake yes, I feel like they don’t quite get me, like I am wasting my time and money, and there is a frustration that they aren’t giving me any new answers. (This is not always the mentor’s fault! It can be, because not everyone is good at coaching, but it’s usually on me for not honoring my truth).
—> There is an important exception to this rule and that is if we are stuck in a destructive pattern, like an addiction that is having adverse effects on our life. Almost no one wants to go to rehab, and the psyche will throw up all sorts of smokescreens and reasons why we aren’t a yes to getting help. If we can get underneath this fog for a moment, that full bodied yes will still be there, but it can be hard to access. In these cases it’s important to find a qualified expert with a great track record for solving this problem, and leap. <—
Even if we feel our yes and hire a mentor from that place, sometimes it still won’t work out. In these cases, the experience of ‘failure’ is what’s aligned for us because it’s helping us grow in a certain way that we need.
…Maybe it reminds us that we have the answers within.
…Maybe it reminds us that we should raise our rates because we are just as good as the mentor!
…Maybe it gives us unexpected wisdom to share with the people we serve.
…Maybe our connection to that mentor will yield sweet fruit down the line.
At the end of the day, the only thing we can really trust in life is our own truth. If we follow that, regardless of the apparent outcome, we will feel like we’ve done the right thing.
I hope this share saves you some time, money and grief! Having a great guide is so vital for our growth but it’s essential to find the right one for us.
